Dear Difficult Employee Wrangler…
Give me your tired, your unruly employees and I will give you advice. Here’s a great question I got from a very frustrated dentist.
Dear difficult employee wrangler,
I found your website blog about managing difficult employees.
I was wondering if you could give me advice about how to manage an employee that does not work for me.
She works for my partner who will not help me. He will not talk to her because I think he too is afraid of her but won’t admit it to me. We are two dentists with separate employees sharing a small space.
She is one of his receptionists.
She is mean and rude to my staff. Mostly she is rudest to my receptionists who work along side of her. She doesn’t yell but is passive aggressive or just plain rude. She is the one employee in the office that everyone is scared to come in for the day because you wonder what type of mood she will be in.
I have tried nicely to talk to her about different problems I see or that are brought to me and sometimes she will listen and we can talk. Mostly I ask are you okay? Has something upset you? This type of talk she remains calm with and will communicate civilly most of the time.
I have not had the guts to confront the main issue which is how mean she can be. The one time I tried she screamed at me to F off loud enough for the whole office to hear including the staff and patients.
I do not want to lose my staff over her and would love some advice on how to let her know the impact she has. How hurtful it can be and how mostly everyone is affected.
Even though she doesn’t work for me, I always try to include her in anything nice I do for my staff or any social events my staff has and always thank her for the help she does give me. I have tried keeping her happy so she has less of an excuse to be mean. This keeps her barely tolerable.
Anyway given I am not her boss but she works directly with my staff in close physical contact with them, I need to figure something out and have no idea where to turn.
Thanks
Carolyn
Hi Carolyn,
Wow! That’s a stressful situation.
It sounds like you’re taking steps to talk to her, include her in activities and thank her for your work. Excellent job! this helps her feel appreciated and acknowledged.
What’s the impact of X on Y?
The next step is to help her see the impact she is having on those around her. This can be done by asking “What’s the impact of X on Y?” For example, say she yelled at a patient. You’d then take her aside, ask her if she’s OK and then once she’s calm, ask her “What’s the impact of you yelling on that patient?”. Then let her answer. She may say she doesn’t know; if so, ask her what the impact would be on her if an employee yelled at her in a store. Eventually, you want her to see that the patient may not return. Then ask the question again. Here is how it may play out:
What’s the impact of that patient not returning?
We lose business.
What’s the impact of losing business?
There is less money in the office.
What’s the impact of less money in the office?
We may not be able to pay the office bills.
What’s the impact of that?
You may have to close the office.
What’s the impact of that?
We may all lose our job.
Once you get to that stage, then ask her for a commitment. So if we want to stay open, then we need to make sure we treat our patients well. So in the future, do not yell at them.
While you are dealing with her at this coaching level, you need to take two other steps:
1. Talk to your partner.
She is his employee and he needs to manage her. You can have the same “what’s the impact” conversation with him and ask him to manage her. Listen to what he’s afraid of and be empathetic, yet also be clear that her behavior may cost them business.
2. Document everything for her file.
Put everything in writing, so that if your partner has to fire her, it’s in writing.
Let me know how this goes!
Anne
Have a difficult employee? Let me help. Start here–> How to Effectively Manage Difficult Employees: The Rude-nik. Share your stories below, send me an email or find me on Twitter!
